5 Seconds
by Holz090
Summary: What if Tracy's confession had come 5 seconds later?
1. Chapter 1

"I'm gonna break it down." Nick half expected Michelle to stop him, but instead she stood aside, clearly as worried and fatigued as he is. All in all, it had been almost 24 hours since either of them had seen or heard from her. 24 hours with no response to their increasingly frantic phone calls, no texts, a no-show for a night out and now another day AWOL from work. Something about this latest vanishing act felt wrong, even by Carla's recent standards, and the look in Michelle's eyes confirmed she was thinking exactly the same. Doors can be fixed, you can't revive a dead body once it's too late.

The door opens with surprising ease considering the difficulty that was had before the place burned down. Clearly security wasn't the greatest concern during the rapid rebuild. Rushing inside, they found the place empty. Nick heart sank; he'd been praying to at least find her passed out on the sofa. Michelle called out her name again, but they both knew it was in vain. Boxes still piled up all around the room, were it not for the empty wine bottles and the unwashed glass on the side, you'd be forgiven for thinking no had moved in yet. The whole place had a vibe that suggested the occupant hadn't planned on staying.

"Damn," Michelle let herself fall backwards onto the sofa. "I was so sure we'd find her here". In what capacity she didn't say, but the way she'd frantically asked around after her friend this morning, he had a good idea.

"Right, that's it." she sighed. "It's been too long. We've got to call the police." Her phone was in her hand and dialing before Nick could agree. "Police please. I need to report a missing person".

* * *

Tracy had no idea how long she'd been aimlessly been walking around the same estate. It was dark, now it was light; that was all she knew. Her phone battery was long since dead, and the thought of driving Carla's car home felt like far too much of a betrayal. Besides, the state she was in, she wouldn't get home.

"Tails I fall..." Those final words echoed through her mind, as they had been all night. The look in her eyes in those final seconds... The way she'd smiled as she'd taken one final look back before her feet slipped off the edge. It had been so casual, she'd just stepped off like it was a pavement kerb. She'd tried to stop her, God knows she'd tried, but her confession, the one thing she'd known would have stopped her, came seconds too late. She'd screached it all the same, her voice reaching a crescendo, echoing for miles around. She wondered if Carla had heard her, somewhere between the cliff edge and the ground. The thought wasn't worth thinking about.

Tracy must have sat there, feet from the ledge, for hours, peading with a God she'd spent a lifetime denying to let her turn back the clocks, open her stupid mouth 5 seconds earlier. Only when the bitter winds and freezing temperatures had threatened to add one to the death count had she finally got up and started walking down the hill. It had been dark by then, and the terrain uneven and rough. At one point she'd tripped and grazed her knee; she hadn't even felt it. She was starting to think she'd never feel anything ever again.

Pulling Carla's key from her pocket, Tracy knew she'd hidden out here long enough. Amy would be worried. Despite all her prayers, she wasn't going to wake up from some horrible dream, and Carla wasn't going to sneak up behind her, laughing about fooling her. What was done was done. It was time to go home.

* * *

"She's been wracked with guilt over the fire here a few months ago," Nick tried to retain composure as the police officer took notes. "These last few weeks, I dunno. She's not been herself. She's been gambling, drinking... Just pushing everyone away".

"We've tried to help her" Michelle interjected, handing Nick a cup of tea and sitting down beside him. "But when she's got something into her head...".

They were gathered in Carla's flat, the only place either of them had wanted to be. Even as they spoke to the officer, Nick still half expected Carla her walk in the door, asking what on earth was going on and making some sarcastic comment about them constantly keeping tabs on her. He'd give anything for her to call him pathetic right now.

"I can see how concerned you are." the officer said. "Has she done anything like this before? You mentioned her erratic behaviour?."

Michelle pulled a face, but said nothing.

"She's gone AWOL in the past but she's always been in contact by now. She's not the kind of person to just vanish without word". Nick answered.

Michelle sighed. "We're really worried about her. The way she's been recently I wouldn't put anything past her".

Once the officer had left, the two sack back down on Carla's sofa. Nick clung to his now empty mug like a life raft, starring blankly into space. "That last conversation I had with her..." He finally spoke, his gaze still fixed. "She looked exhausted, like she'd not slept in weeks. She probably hadn't. I was so insensitive, going on about Kal... I couldn't bare it if that the last thing I said to her."

"Hey," Michelle put a supportive arm on Nick's shoulder, "It won't be. You've been nothing but supportive of her. Whatever's happened, it's not your fault".

Nick finally looked round to face his companion. "Whatever's happened? When that cop asked if she'd done anything like this before, you went dead quiet. What am I missing here?"

Michelle sighed, running her hands through her hair. "It's nothing it... It was years ago, forget it. It's not important, which I never said anything"

"But there is something...?"

She took a gulp of the remainder of her now stone cold coffee before putting the mug down and turning to face him. She took him by the hands. "She begged me not to say anything, I think she was ashamed, y'know? And she regretted it straight away, hated herself for it-"

"Michelle just spit it out. Please".

She sighed. "Alright look, as soon as she turns up, which she will, you say nothing about this alright? After all that stuff with Frank, about a week after... Y'know, she tried to kill herself. Sleeping pills I think."

Nick's breath caught. "Right" was he could say.

"That's kind of how come she got together with Peter. He was the one who saved her."

Nick said nothing.

"But look," she added hastily, "Like I said she regretted it straight away. She got through it, she beat him, moved on with her life. There's no reason to think she'd ever do anything like that again. Her head was a complete mess at the time."

"Like it is now, you mean?" Nick pulled away from Michelle's gaze, going back to starring at his mug. They were silent for a while. "How did I not know this?"

"Because she buried it. She didn't want anyone to know. It wasn't relevant".

"Did Leanne know?" His sudden subject change stumped Michelle.

"What? I don't know, I think so".

"So all the those times she slagged Carla off when we were together, when she called her dangerous and an unfit mother... She knew and said nothing."

"I guess so... But look-"

"I thought this was as low as she got. Acting out, distraction techniques. I never thought...If I'd known..."

"If you'd have known what?" Michelle could feel the blame being turned to her and she wasn't about to take it. Instantly defensive she snapped, "What would you have done differently?"

He could sense her anger. Turning to face her again he softened his tone. "I'm sorry Michelle, I'm not blaming you. I'm just worried about her, that's all."

Wiping a stray tear from the corner of her eye, Michelle moved closer to him. "I know. So am I."


	2. Chapter 2

Finally he'd been persuaded to leave the flat. Just for a walk, to clear their heads. To the bistro and back, if nothing else. He'd seen the car from the other end of the street, darting straight towards it, his heart in his mouth, Michelle not far behind.

But as another woman got out of the driver's seat of that car Carla had complained so much about, he stopped in his tracks. His eyes scanning the rest of the car, confusion flooding his face, he called the woman's name. "Tracy?"

They weren't the only ones to have heard the car pull up. Out of the door of number one, Amy had raced outside, running to huge her mother, who swooped her up and held her close. Ken followed, standing at a close distance behind Nick and Michelle; all eyes fixed on Tracy, waiting for answers.

"Where the hell have you been?" Ken spoke first.

"Where's Carla?" Michelle next.

But Tracy merely shook her head at them, putting her daughter back down and telling her to go back inside with her Grandad. "I'll be inside in a minute, darling" She told her. "I need to do something first".

Gesturing to Nick and Michelle, she followed them to Carla's flat without another word.

* * *

Michelle still sat, eyes red and stained from tears, without a word. Nick paced the kitchen, in shock. "I don't understand, what were you doing there?"

Tracy leaned against the kitchen unit, guilt encompassing her. She could barely breath and her chest felt like it would burst. "I was just talking to her. She got into her car so I got in the passenger seat. Next thing I know we're speeding off down the road and I'm begging her to turn round".

"So what, she just drove you there to watch her die?" He visibly shook after he said the final word.

"I don't know. I don't even know if she knew. She was all over the place. I knew she'd been drinking so I told her I wanted to get out. She pulled over by this quarry, said she used to live round there..."

Michelle stirred at the mention. She knew exactly where Tracy meant and the images made her feel sick.

"She stormed off, swigging vodka... She sat on the edge and started rambling about why had I pulled her out of that minibus."

Nick poured himself another glass of whisky and downed it in one. He barely blinked. "And you just let her jump?"

"What was I supposed to do?" Tracy asked, masking a sob. She knew exactly what she should've done, and it would haunt her for the rest of her life. 5 seconds earlier, 5 seconds braver, 5 seconds less selfish and Carla would still be alive.

"You could've phoned!" Nick was angry now. "Me, Michelle, the police, anyone. You could've grabbed her, held her down if you had to!"

Finally Michelle stood up and, to Tracy's shock, put her arm round her. It took all her effort not to pull away. "Nick, come on. It's not her fault." She turned to Tracy. "It must have been horrible."

"I've spent all night just walking around. I didn't know what to do..."

"Go home" Michelle told her. "Go and be with Amy. Thank you for telling us."

Her kindness made her guilt all the more unbearable. Returning her gaze, Tracy forced herself to make eye contact. There was no way she could tell them the truth now. "Thanks". She finally replied, letting herself out as quickly as she could without running.

As the door closed firmly behind her, Nick finally cracked. Sliding down against the kitchen cupboards, his head in his heads, he gasped for air between violent sobs.

* * *

Seeing the look on his step-daughter's face as she closed the front door behind her, Ken immediately ushered his grandaughter upstairs, before standing to meet Tracy with a hug. "What on earth's happened?" He asked, feeling her freezing cold skin against his.

Her face still buried in his chest, Tracy choked the words out. "It's Carla. She's dead".

Ken pulled his body away then, keeping hold of her shoulders, arms outstretched. "What?"

"She killed herself last night. I saw her do it. She threw herself off the top of a quarry".

Ken's face fell and he pulled her close again, before helping her into a chair. "Oh, Tracy..."

"She said she couldn't cope with the guilt anymore. She looked terrible, Dad. She kept asking why I'd saved her from the minibus crash, and then..." Her hand flew to her mouth, fresh tears streaming her already red raw face. "I've just told Michelle and Nick all this."

"Of course. Look, you go and get some rest, I'll sort Amy out".

It was one undeserved act of kindness too many. Wiping tears from her eyes, Tracy pulled Ken's hand free away from hers. "Dad, I have to tell you something. I should've told Carla- I TRIED to tell Carla, on Amy's life I did but it was too late, I... I'm so sorry!"

"Tracy you're exhausted. We'll talk about this later when you're calmer. I'm assuming no one has called the police. I'll get onto that, you get some rest-"

"No!" She yelled back, stepping further away, her body shaking with sobs now. "No, you don't understand. It was me. I started the fire".


End file.
